Facing the inevitable

Feeling refreshed after a last minute trip out to Willow Banks with Daisy today- I'm due to be in hospital any day now, just waiting for that magic phone call to say there's a bed and we'll need to drop everything and go.
It feels like we've been stood on our tiptoes the past week whilst trying to be ready, so some normality and fun was very welcome.

Earlier this week I saw my orthopaedic consultant at Nottingham as my legs have been increasingly bad recently, I can go from walking around the garden to curled up in pain (with a few tears and whimpers) in minutes due to the spasms in the muscles. I can only describe it as like someone is slicing knives up and down the backs of my legs. Both me and mum were really hopeful we could find a way to move forward and manage the pain, but during the appointment I was told nothing can be done as put simply- it's the inevitable happening of my legs deteriorating.
It was upsetting in a way, that there was just an acceptance that things are getting worse. I expected some hope and optimism, but in hindsight I know I can't just ignore my diagnosis and condition. We're always looking for ways to improve things and make the most of life, so this matter of fact outlook was such a shock to the system!

I must admit, I do hate having to use the wheelchair more recently, knowing I'll eventually need to use it full time, it feels like giving in to the inevitable that I've been trying to put off. For now I'm planning to focus on the upcoming surgery, and we can readdress my legs at a later date- my main hope is that the pain doesn't get worse in the meantime though.

Onwards to today and Daisy jumped fantastic in the 1m open this morning for a really unlucky pole (minor rider error!) The courses were quite twisty today which is my classic trouble as I struggle to turn back and keep my legs on Daisy. With my legs not being strong I can't always support her through tight turns whilst maintaining enough rhythm to jump. But today we seemed to get the balance just right, with a combination of using some transitions when warming up so Daisy was responsive and ready to listen, a lot of voice aids, and utilising the little strength I do have we mastered my usual struggles.

Let's hope there's a few more highs to balance out any lows over the next few weeks!😊
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